The holiday season is often synonymous with generosity and kindness. From lavish gifts to charitable donations, the spirit of generosity seems to permeate the air. We’re encouraged to give back, share our blessings, and spread joy.
However, what starts as a well-intentioned act of kindness can sometimes spiral into a pattern of excessive giving, with potential consequences for both the giver and the receiver. It’s important to approach holiday giving with a mindful balance that prioritizes our mental health.
In this post, I will explore the benefits of giving and the pitfalls of over-giving. I will then discuss the reasons behind excessive giving and provide tips on how we can embody generosity and kindness without sacrificing our mental health.
The Benefits of Giving
Numerous studies have shown the positive impact of giving on our well-being. Acts of kindness can boost our mood, reduce stress, and increase our sense of purpose. When we give to others, we experience a “helper’s high,” a feeling of satisfaction and contentment.
A study by Poulin, Brown, Dillarrd, and Smith (2013) examined the relationship between providing tangible assistance to others and mortality rates. They found that providing help to others buffered the negative effects of stress on mortality, particularly for individuals experiencing high levels of stress. The study suggests that helping others may promote health and longevity by reducing the negative effects of stress.
The Pitfalls of Excessive Giving
While giving is associated with many benefits, it is important to acknowledge that over-giving can have detrimental effects on our mental health. Excessive giving is when someone gives more than they can realistically afford, both materially and emotionally.
Excessive giving can have unintended consequences. When we overcommit ourselves, we may experience increased stress, anxiety and even resentment. This can undermine the very purpose of giving, which is to promote happiness and connection.
How do we know when we have reached our threshold with how much we can give? Here are several signs to look out for:
1. If you are constantly giving without replenishing your own resources. This can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.
2. If you feel obligated to give. This can breed resentment towards the recipients.
3. If your excessive giving, particularly during the holiday season, leads to financial difficulties and debt.
4. If you feel unable to meet the expectations of others, and feel guilt and shame.
Reasons Behind Excessive Giving
To avoid falling into these mental health pitfalls, it is important to understand what motivates us to over-give. The reasons behind excessive giving are complex and multifaceted, yet several psychological factors often play a role:
1. Some individuals may use excessive giving as a way to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth. By constantly giving to others, they may seek validation and approval.
2. A strong desire to please others can drive individuals to overextend themselves, sacrificing their own needs and boundaries.
3. Some may give excessively to avoid rejection or conflict, believing that generosity will ensure their acceptance.
4. In codependent relationships, one partner may habitually give without receiving, often leading to feelings of resentment and burnout.
5. In some cases, excessive giving can be a symptom of compulsive hoarding or shopping disorders, where individuals feel compelled to acquire and give away possessions.
Finding a Healthy Balance
To maintain a healthy balance between giving and receiving, it’s essential to:
1. Set realistic expectations: While it’s important to be generous, it’s equally important to set realistic expectations for yourself. Don’t feel pressured to give extravagant gifts or attend every holiday event. Prioritize the people and activities that bring you joy. Also, be mindful of your spending by setting a budget and sticking to it.
2. Prioritize your needs: To give generously and kindly, we must first prioritize our well-being. This means setting boundaries, honouring our values, and taking care of our needs. When we are well-rested, nourished, and emotionally balanced, we are better equipped to give to others without sacrificing ourselves. Remember, self-care is not selfish. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
3. Practice mindful giving: Instead of giving out of obligation or pressure, focus on giving from a place of genuine care and compassion.
4. Consider giving experiences, not things: Research has shown that experiences tend to bring more lasting happiness than material possessions. Consider gifting experiences like tickets to a show, a cooking class, or a spa day.
5. Volunteer your time: Volunteering can be a rewarding way to give back to the community. Choose a cause you’re passionate about and dedicate a few hours to help.
6. Set boundaries and practice assertiveness: Establish clear limits on what you can realistically give, both in terms of time and resources. Also, learn to say “no” politely but firmly when you feel overwhelmed or unable to commit.
7. Seek professional help: If excessive giving is significantly impacting your mental health or relationships, consider seeking therapy or counselling.
While the spirit of giving is admirable, It is crucial to approach it with a balanced perspective. True generosity comes from a place of self-love and self-care, rather than self-sacrifice. When we are not kind to ourselves, it becomes difficult to give to others without feeling depleted or resentful. This is because we are giving from a place of scarcity rather than abundance.
By understanding the underlying motivations and potential consequences of excessive giving, individuals can take steps to cultivate healthier patterns of behaviour and experience the true joy of giving without sacrificing their own well-being. By following the above-suggested tips, we can experience the joys of giving without sacrificing our well-being. This holiday season, let’s prioritize both generosity and self-care.
IH Psychotherapy is a practice located in Vaughan, Ontario. Our team provides in-person and virtual therapy. We serve clients in Thornhill, Richmond Hill, North York, Toronto, Woodbridge, Markham, Newmarket, and Maple. Our virtual therapy services enable us to support clients in the Greater Toronto Area such as Mississauga, Brampton, Etobicoke and cities throughout Ontario.
The information provided in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional psychotherapy or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified mental health provider. We do not endorse or guarantee the accuracy, quality, suitability, or reliability of any of the resources listed.